Bee Bee
Separation to Reconciliation
I am a twin. My
brother lives in
Baltimore and I
have two sisters.
Both my sisters
work for the
federal
government. My
mother worked at
a hospital and my father passed away
when I was 18 years old. We were raised
in a big white house in Southeast DC. I
also have three children taken away
from me by the system. I have a 29
year-old daughter who is a registered
nurse living out West with her military
husband. And I have a son employed at
the Post Office.
I had to be very grown-up when my
younger sister was born because I had
to take care of her. My mom had to
work and couldn’t afford a babysitter.
Life was simple back then. Clothing
wasn’t expensive, nor was rent, but food
cost a lot. We were not rich, but we
lived in a neighborhood where
everybody knew each other, looked out
for each other and helped each other.
Everybody went to work.
At the age of 15, I was diagnosed with
bipolar disorder and severe mood
swings. I did not finish school. I tried to
build a home with men that I thought
loved me, however, my relationships
failed. When I took my medication, I
managed to stay very stable, however,
when I didn’t there was a lot of abuse. I
turned to alcohol and for years I stayed
in relationships that were abusive but
there was always a lot of alcohol. I
found and lost jobs–I kept and lost
homes.
I was ashamed of who I had become and stayed away from my family because I did not want them to know what was happening to me. None of my relatives or my childrenknew where I was. I was a very differentperson. I’m sure my family would nothave recognized me if they saw me and I really did not care if I lived or died.
Eventually, I could no longer keep a
home, a job, or a man, and I ended up
on the streets for a very long time. I
didn’t want to go to a shelter, my life
was a mess and I had a lot of hurt.
Sometimes I felt like I knew every street
in DC. I begged for money and I bought
alcohol. I have walked and slept on
these streets in good weather and in
bad. I met a lot of men and women like
myself during this period of my life, and
sometimes, we helped each other.
There were many days I didn’t eat.
One day I collapsed in the streets and
woke up in the hospital. I was very sick
for a long time, with pneumonia
diabetes, high blood pressure, and
other complications. When I was feeling
better, a social worker started working
with me to help me get my life back
together. She helped me register with a
mental health agency and I was
discharged to a shelter where I made
myself a promise to get back on my feet
and stay there. I would not allow the
social worker to contact my family.
When I came to Hyacinth’s Place, they
helped me contact my family. Trying to
be a part of my family’s life is more
difficult than I expected. Years of living
on the streets, bad relationships, and
alcohol left me more fragile than I first
realized. I cannot explain my lost years
to my family and they can’t understand
what happened. However, I now visit
my mother who is living in a retirement
home and she visits me sometimes. I
speak with my daughter often and I am
hoping one day that I can make sense
of what happened with my life
Having my own unit at Hyacinth’s Place
is a beautiful thing because it allows me
the time to heal and fully understand
my illness. I attend group sessions that
allow me to discuss some of the feelings
I can’t understand to help take away
some of the hurt. I know my road back to my own
apartment is long, but I feel as if I have
the help to get myself back. I am taking
my medication now and doing better. I
have not touched alcohol for three
years.